Mojo

 Hello all,  Life has been busy and I have not felt I've had anything worth blogging about.  Or that my blog is particularly interesting to people so I've let it go by the wayside.  I've decided to make a post since I've found myself with the need to get something off my chest without clogging up everyone's Facebook feeds with my whoa is me story. 

As some of you know, I bought a farm.  When you buy a ramshackle farm that has sat empty for 4 months and neglected for however many years it comes with all sorts of great opportunities to work until dark and not have any desire or time to ride.  Which I guess wasn't really a big deal since Stella broke a splint bone 12 hours after bringing her home. 

YAYYY. 

When Stella was ready to go back to work again she had other ideas, the new environment, smaller herd, and time off gave her a wicked case of buddy sour and I quickly saw my vision of becoming a brave and forward rider by spending lots of time hacking over my 10 beautiful acres end up in the dirt.  Along with actually ending up in the dirt.  I have a lovely grass jump ring with an entire course of fences and I've been in it TWICE.  I just keep mowing it and not wanting to ride in it since she's an idiot.  It makes me sad that I can take her to lessons and trail riding and she's fine but the rides when I've tried to leave my outdoor (or hell, even in the outdoor a few times) have not been awesome. 

Well, I had several rides that were nice.  Including one where I rode with my other half and Stella and I galloped all over the field.  Then she spooked at a plant 24 hours later in the same field and I fell off. 

Since June I've taken two lessons.  One where I actually jumped some things.  I figured it would be excellent motivation to attend a local HT with extra tiny teeny fences.  Getting dumped 2 days before the show probably didn't help my confidence but we had a wonderful dressage test, I had someone else ride her stadium, then I packed her up and went home.  I realized at that moment that I had no desire to fail and wimping out and going home early was far better than getting nervous, feeding Stella my nerves, and have a rearing runaway like the last two times I attempted to go cross country. 

I did not share my day with anyone beyond who was there.  My Facebook feed was full of people on their horses doing well. 

I've been handing over the reins a lot this year and having pros do what makes them pros and give Stella confident rides around XC or show jumping.  I see the difference it has made in Stella, and I'd rather not ride her at all than risk screwing her up.  Or failing. 

So where do we go from here?  I'd like to say that I've lost my mojo since moving.  But I'm not entirely sure I've had any mojo this year at all.